pyroguysr's Diaryland
Diary
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LAID
This little piece popped into my head the other night. No reason. Sometimes I just do freeform writing and somtimes some funny shit just comes out: LAID
�So, what happened? Did you get laid?� �Are you kidding? I�m a nice guy!� �So?� �Hon, in the real world, nice guys finish last. They always finish last. It�s the assholes that get the girl.� �That�s not true!� �Yeah, right,� I snorted. �You see how far it got me!� �Sometimes you have to give things time to develop.� �Who knows when I�ll see her again?� �If she likes you, you�ll see her again,� she said confidently. �If! IF! IF I see her again!� �You will!� �Yeah, right. Nice guys finish last. I tell ya. I hit it off really well with a babe last year. I see her again this year and she�s got a boyfriend. And he treats her like shit. So, I�m through being a nice guy!� �How were you a nice guy this time?� �She wasn�t feeling well, so I held her and talked to her. She fell asleep against my shoulder while we sat in front of the fire.� �That was sweet!� �Yeah? Didn�t get me anywhere.� �You probably impressed her!� �Yeah. So now we�re best buddies! Big woot!� �Well, were you expecting to get laid?� �No, I never go visit anyone with expectations. That way I�m always pleasantly surprised when something good happens. But nothing good happened.� �I thought you said she fell asleep against your shoulder?� �So the fuck what?� �That was sweet! It was romantic.� �Fuck romance.� �What is your problem?� �God damn it, I went there to get laid!� �But you said you always go visit people without any expectations.� �That�s right! It�s a self-defense mechanism so that I don�t get hurt!� �But you�re hurt now!� �Not as much as I would have been if I�d been expecting to get laid and didn�t.� �I don�t understand you. You said you went there not expecting to get laid, but now you�re pissed because you didn�t get laid, but you say that by not expecting to get laid that it�s a defense mechanism against being hurt by not getting laid, but you�re hurt now because you didn�t get laid!� �That�s about it.� �Arrrgh!� she growled, frustrated, �If you didn�t want to get hurt, why did you go there at all?� �Because if you don�t take chances, you can�t win!� �Have you won yet?� �Not yet, but at least I know I tried!� She began laughing. �You are such an enigma!� �What do you mean, enigma? I�m easy to figure out. I�m a nice guy. I don�t press the issue. I�m a fuckin� gentleman.� �And what�s wrong with that?� �Jesus, don�t you listen? It doesn�t fuckin� get you laid!� �So, now you�re not going to be a gentleman anymore?� �Nope. I�m gonna be a class-one asshole.� �Well, you�ve made a good start!� she said angrily, putting her stuff into her purse, then asking me the same question she asks each time. �Are you picking up the check?� �If I do, will you come home with me and fuck me?� �No.� �Then you pay for the goddamned cake and coffee!� She looked at me, open-mouthed for at least a full minute. �Fuck you!� �Yep, that�s exactly what I want.� �GRRRRRR! Oh, alright! Pay the check and I�ll come back home with you and fuck you. Maybe it�ll put you in a better mood!� �Nope. Too late.� �To late?� �Yep! I�m no longer interested!� �I don�t believe you just said that! You�re an asshole, you know that?� �Yep. It�s what I�m shooting for.� �Fuck you!� �Will you?� �Not now!� �A moment ago, you said you would!� �You told me you weren�t interested!� �I said that to be an asshole!� �Well, you�ve definitely made it!� She threw some money on the table. �So, I can�t take you home?� �No!� �Why not?� �Assholes don�t get laid either!�
3:29 p.m. - 2005-01-12
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