pyroguysr's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Tears of a Clown *hugs all his caring friends* Just to clear some things up... That last entry was NOT for Brianna or anyone else from the net, nor was it for a certain bitchy former girlfriend, but a song I dearly love... one of two that band has that I love. They just sometimes reflect what I'm feeling inside. If anyone really reads deep into my diaries, they would see that I've been thinking a lot about my ex. I spent 25 years with the woman... half my lifetime. There is still a special love for her there... and I hurt her very badly. I betrayed her trust... something I am going to work very hard at not doing again to anyone else. I pray every day for that strength of trust. I miss her, I miss my house with the five oaks surrounding it - and the energies emanating from those old and staid beings, I miss my old friends and my community. I miss my son more than anything, though. Life is too short for me to be worrying too much. I left home, security and all the things a lot of people take for granted to be a gypsy. I'm taking huge chances at this phase of my life. Bear with me if occasionally I read your diaries and feel a little nostalgic for things I once had. Yes, I'm free to go off and travel - do a lot of things that many of you can't... but to do that, I've given up a steady income, a home (I'm living off the good graces of friends right now), insurance, community, status, etc. But I'm happier than I have been in a LONG while. Then I read about those of you that seemingly have it all and yet, are still feeling bad about things and it makes me wonder why I'm so freakin happy... I will have ups and downs. It's a normal cycle of life. This is the "light" stuff I put in here... thank the gods and goddesses you can't read my personal diary!! LOL... all the juicy bits are in THERE! Sometimes I think I've succeeded in being the happy joker too well... but I care about you all, just as you care about me. I'm not walking around and moping though. I'm doing things and staying creative and being silly in real life. I really really really do love you all for caring though! *smooches and hugs for everyone, but special hugs for a select few... and then even more for Wenchy and DragonStar* *grins* I'm off to Chattanooga to visit someone. I'll post again from time to time. 9:23 a.m. - 2004-04-15 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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