pyroguysr's Diaryland Diary

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Chicken Cordon Bleu's

I'VE GOT THOSE CHICKEN CORDON BLEU'S

lyrics by Steve Goodman, Paula Ballan, and Toni Mandel
music by Steve Goodman

When I first met you, baby
You fed me on chicken and wine
It was steak, and potatoes, and lobster
And babe, I sure felt fine
But now all you give me is seaweed and alfalfa sprouts
And sunflower seeds, and I got my doubts
Babe, you left me here with the chicken cordon bleus

My stomach's so empty
And all I got is food for thought
And I've been sittin' here thinkin'
'Bout the twenty pounds of groceries we bought
We bought ten pounds of brown rice, and five more of beans
And five pounds of granola, and you know what that means
I'm just a regular fella with the chicken cordon bleus
(Now I want you to play me them fat licks)

I'm starved for affection
And babe, I can't take no more
You know this stuff is so weird
That the cockroaches moved next door
Babe, can you see that old dog? He's out in the street
He's got a big smile on his face 'cause they let him eat meat
And babe, I got the lemon and the chicken cordon bleus

[spoken]
Babe, I'm goin' down to the bakery
And I'm gonna find me a jelly roll
And some cannoli
Some French pastry
A chocolate eclair don't sound too bad
How 'bout some lasagna?
You know fat is where it's at
My shadow disappeared ...

I am amused.

I went to a job interview today with Manpower and managed to get the same recruiter that interviewed Kathryn. He looked quite surprised when I said what I did for a living: Selling soft-sculpture art at renaissance faires!

At a bookstore, I saw a magazine that caught my eye: �The Rejection Quarterly � published twice a year!� It�s a magazine that publishes a writer�s work that�s been rejected five or more times.

I�m not saying that eating healthy or organic food is bad or bad for you. I�m not even making fun of vegetarians or vegans (I�ll save that for another column! *rubs hands together evilly and cackles*) I�m simply saying I�m amused.

I�ve been to three �healthy, wholesome, organically-grown� food stores in the past few days � they are today�s �upscale� versions of the food co-operatives that were run by hippies in the 60�s and 70�s � but the hippies now drive BMW�s and Jaguars instead of bicycles) and only impressed by �Fresh Foods� in Cameron Village.

I�m amused because it seems that every liberal in the world shops at these places and will buy just about anything that says �organically grown,� �natural� or �whole-grain.� And they�ll pay 20 � 50% more for items having that label - on candy, sausage, bacon, hot dogs and beer, no less! Now, I�m not the healthiest eater in the world, but those last items� well, I don�t care how you slice it and how �natural,� �whole-grained� or �organic� those items are, they still aren�t good for you! I guess it�s just hard for some former hippies to change habits� but I have to admit, this store could probably be a good place to pick up some bab- I mean, find a wholesome relationship� erm� OK, I got a lot of smiles from moms and females in general.

And just why is it that it costs so much more just to eat healthy foods? Oh, and what is also humorous from the perspective of someone that got in at the end of the hippie era is the amount of �natural, organic� cosmetics now on the market� and watching the old hippie women (that wouldn�t have dreamt of wearing makeup in their 20�s!) buying the stuff up at department-store prices!! *shakes head*

Tis good to know that vegan and health-conscious moms still don�t have control over their kids. There were five lil brats in the store, two of them babies or toddlers that spent the entire time emitting ear-piercing screams, two curtain climbers that were running up and down the aisles, handling all the stuff in the bulk bins and generally being a nuisance while the moms struggled to look pained and embarrassed. I recommended a good swat for the latter two (and got horrified looks from the moms that said �I would never strike my child! � Mainly because I don�t want to go to jail) and the first two were just grumpy, but the mom�s could have handed out earplugs! My aural cavities are still ringing from those high-frequency emissions!

The final one was a middle-schooler that bugged his mom for every sweet item in the place. Oh, she�d ask him �which do you want, A or B?� He�d say �A� and she�d say, �B is healthier, wouldn�t you really want B?� �No, I want A.� �We�re getting B.� �Why?� �It�s cheaper.�

It was nice to know, as well, that they still sell �Natures Gate Herbal Hair Conditioner� though. It�s more expensive than the $1.50 I used to pay at the co-op. Then again, I used to buy it by the gallon because my hair was much longer then!

Yep. How much more opportunistic can you get than to stick the label of �Natural, organically home-grown, multi-grained, healthy� on something, jack up the prices so that only DINK�s* and HIGH T�S.** driving Lincoln Navigators, a M-B 360SK or some overpriced Volvo can afford to shop there, eh? (OOOOH� another column idea� people that buy expensive cars and think they own the road beneath them!

*Dual Income, No Kids

**High Income, Grandparents Homeschooling The Spawn