pyroguysr's Diaryland Diary

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Bleatings

Well, I'm doing tonight what I should have done 2 weeks ago to make sure that all my college friends had plenty of sugar and carbs to keep them going during finals this week.

I'm busy making cupcakes, Rice Krispie bars and chocolate chip cookies. Whazzat you say? What? Hell yes, I'm a guy, so the fuck what?

Yes, I like to cook (ask Kat. She's bitching about the 25 lbs she's put on since being around me.) I like to bake and make treats. Shows too! *pats belly*

But, I still don't like these holidays. I hate the stress. I hate the expectations, the workloads and all the other bullshit.

I used to take delight in putting up a tree, singing Christmas Carols and all the family stuff. Now that I don't have a family anymore, I really don't care.

Don't care for snow much either (just in case you didn't get that from my last entry)

I guess a part of is is because my life fell apart over Christmas 4 years ago when the woman I loved decided she'd rather be with someone more like her ex husband and told me to take a flying leap... AFTER I'd expressed to my ex wife that I was no longer happy with our marriage... and after I'd spent over 1000 on that self-same selfish woman and her three spawnlings to make sure they had a Merry Christmas... AND enough clothing to make it through the rest of the school year.

I'm getting better now, I think. Doing a lot of introspection. I still don't like who I am or what I did, but I'm learning to live with it. All I'm concentrating on now is getting some novels finished enough to send out to the publishers.

I used to think I wanted to get back at the Dra and hurt her like she did me... ruin her life... but I came to realize that the best revenge would be to succeed where she dreamt of succeeding with me... in getting published!

So, that's my sole goal in life at this time. But the more I work toward it, the more I find I'm doing it for me rather than to get back at someone else. And I'm happier for that fact.