pyroguysr's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- In Love I'm scared. I'm afraid because I'm falling in love. What is so frightening about that? It's the fact that she's just gone through an acrimonious divorce. The marriage was somewhat abusive and the abuse continues. This is the third lady I've found like this. Each time, they leave me for someone that is more like the man they know. I get told I'm "too nice," "too kinky" or "too good" for them. So, I'm worried. Worse, she's 700 miles away. She has three kids that I love (I'm godfather to the youngest) and who adore me. Right now, we've been friends that kiss and hug. She's put me through a few tests... well, let me explain. I went out to visit her back in March. I was supposed to be out there for two weeks. Instead, I got called back because my Mom was dying... died. She tested me, though. The first test was the "kid" test. How well did I get along with all three of them at once in a "locked-in" setting (i.e., in a situation where I couldn't "give them back" or leave). I rolled around on the floor with them. The second test was the "discipline" test. Could I discipline the kids without either undercutting her authority or by resorting to anger/yelling/spanking. The answer was YES (though I have a theory that children's brains are only loosely attached to their skulls and occasionally fall to their ass. A well-placed swat will bounce those brains back up... sorta like swatting the side of a TV when it's not operating properly). The third test was the "is he here for me or for my body" test. In other words, was I going to push for sex. I didn't. We talked. We kissed. We cuddled. I massaged. We did things together that her husband would never do with her. We had fun. The more time I spent with her, the more I learned about her... and the less I realized I knew about her. I'm scared because she's where I was a few years ago when I didn't think I needed anyone. She's not going to get out of that for awhile yet. But we're getting together this weekend to go to Fairy Fest in Glen Rock, PA. The kids were supposed to go, but it's the ex's weekend to have them and he's not budging on that. So M-C and I go as a couple. This should be interesting. I find out if I'm something more than a friend. And, in the meantime, I'm falling in love. 8:27 p.m. - 2008-04-28 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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