pyroguysr's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- - Yes, the effects of job hunting are starting to creep in. I'm putting on a jovial face, but if people knew my actual state-of-mind, they might be a little concerned. I go to see the shrink at the VA tomorrow. I just hope she doesn't experiment again by throwing meds down my throat and hoping they will work. I found out from my brother a few months back that I am bi-polar genetically. He had a DNA exam and discovered that. I won't go into it, but it explains a lot. I'm not suicidal, though. I'm far too aware of what that would do to the psyche of my son and granddaughters. I won't burden them with that guilt. And it's the cowards way out. But if I don't get a handle on these feelings, I will probably spend some time in the hospital and I don't want that either. No, my main problem is that I feel so isolated here. I used to have a lot of online friends and listened when they were having their moments, but a lot of them have either stopped talking to me or they have simply left my life. Online friends were what filled the void when my real world wasn't working for me. That, and I'm not a drama queen. I won't go online in FB and say to the crowd, "Oh, woe is me!" I'm not built that way. I don't seek out help, I withdraw. "But Jack, you're doing that here!" Yes, I am, mainly because there are maybe only two people that read the blog here (thank you, Bindyree and DeGausser). Right now, most of my online friends are either caught up in real life relationships or are going through some shit of their own. I'm not going to burden them with mine. But, damn it, sometimes it's just nice to get a hug. While a virtual one is appreciated, a spontaneous, real one from someone in my life would go a long way to healing my soul. Ask for "Mr. Blue" in the back. He'll be the one holding his breath on that happening. 10:40 a.m. - 2015-05-14 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||