pyroguysr's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- - Okay, I'm pretty much settled in. My friend, Nicki, who helped me out, is "not allowed to be my friend anymore" by her paranoid, controlling significant other, "Heidi". I've known Nicki since she was 16 and lived 3 doors down from me when I was in San Diego. She's bi, but leans heavily toward lesbianism, and I respect that. Any amorous feelings I had for Nicki have long since disappeared over time. I like her as a friend, nothing more. Heidi thinks otherwise and has accused us of all sorts of behaviors, including "sleeping with Nicki" and twisting any conversations I've tried to have with her into an attack on me. Nicki tells me Heidi has "had it rough" because her ex-lover "left her for another guy." Well, DUH! Look at what she's doing to you, Nicki! Perhaps that is the reason her other lover left? I'd have left her too! (But, Nicki says they "click" and is happy, so I wish her that happiness.) That said, I now find it difficult (almost impossible, actually) to participate in many PRIDE events because Nicki is on the board. She was going to be the spoke on the friendship wheel for me to expand my circle of friends. With my bi-polar fluctuations, I've a difficult enough time letting people past my initial defenses as it is. Hell, I've even been on a dating site and just can't seem to be "inspired" or "witty" there in my conversations to really attract anyone. Online chats... well, most online social media... leaves me cold and wary. It's odd, because I've met so many of you good people there. I've just built up this huge emotional wall that not only keeps other people out, but keeps me inside, with no obvious doors or windows. I've emotionally closed myself off to folks, and even though it makes me feel incredibly lonely, I've become even more frightened at the prospect of letting someone in. Now, with Turkey Day coming up, my son says that he and my ex go to Johanna's sisters house for dinner. I am definitely not invited there. All my other friends are married and/or will be with their family for the day. So, I am trying to choose; do I sit at home as if it were any other day off? Do I add my name to an "orphans" dinner through PRIDE (oddly, I'd be the only straight person there), knowing that Nicki will be having a dinner at her own house, so I won't "run into her" and cause more problems in her relationship? Or, do I offer to volunteer at the Lafayette Transitional Housing Center to serve meals to the homeless? 2:03 p.m. - 2015-11-19 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||