pyroguysr's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Ignore This The job I have pays well and is very low-stress. I like that. I take cars from a factory and either set them up for custom add-ons or take them to a parking spot for distribution by rail or truck. We also get to ride around in a mini-bus and listen to music on the radio. I haven't listened to commercial radio for years and found I was growing tired of the commercials and could almost tell time by how the playlist repeated for the top-40 songs. So, I offered to bring in CD's. For some reason, I brought in a whole bunch of CD's I made back when things broke off between Sandra and I and my ex and I were fighting and divorcing. It brought back a flood of memories and a huge wave of depression. Not the "I want to end my life" kind of depression, but just the fuck-it-all and I'm-fuckin'-lonely kind of depression. I can't seem to connect with the opposite sex anymore. I'm not interested in women my own age both because of their baggage and because I just don't find them physically attractive. I'm also down on myself because I find this part of me to be rather shallow. It shouldn't matter, but it does. Sandra did a job on my psyche that I can't really explain well. I have a difficult time trusting anyone anymore. I have a huge emotional wall built up and I just don't seem inclined to let anyone in. Hell, I don't think I know how to go about meeting a woman anymore and I don't really know what to do about it, so I just give up on it ever happening. But, goddamn, it hurts and I'm lonely. 3:56 a.m. - 2017-06-03 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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