pyroguysr's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Fading into the night It all feels as if it's moving away from me in slow motion. I pray daily that I will wake up and none of this will have happened, but I'm so afraid of this current reality in my life. I'm working hard to well up the spirituality that once carried me through these times, but even that seems remote, harder to pull up, more difficult to access. No, I will NOT merely "accept" what life has "given" me. I will not "settle." I've done that for the past 35 years and I want more. I want to make something positive of my life, to do something that will have a lasting effect, leave a lasting mark. I want to do good, leave positiveness and happiness in my wake instead of all this floatsam and deritus that has been following me. Maybe things will improve after fair starts and I can create and feed from the positive forces developing there. Maybe I can settle somewhere and grow roots again... bury this guilt. Anyway, Wenchie... I do miss you! Really wish I could have chatted with you this evening. Try me tomorrow or definitely on Tuesday, OK? 11:55 p.m. - 2004-08-08 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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