pyroguysr's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Juliet Lauren JULIET LAUREN A year ago January (in 2003), before I left for Baltimore the first time, I began talking to a woman from "Texas"... Actually, she began chatting with me at a room I frequented. She had been drawn to me by a comment I made in my profile about how I prefer smaller-breasted women. She PM'd me and we began to talk. She would disappear for awhile and then we'd begin talking again. Each time we did, I could feel the tendrils of our souls reaching out to meet. I hadn't felt this since... someone else. Chatting with her comforted me. Then we started exchanging emails. Many times it was poetry or stories. She was soooo much like that... other person. Her poetry usually included a graphic of some sort. She went by the nickname of Velvet Eden or Apricot Whisper. We began talking and she told me a sob story about losing her fiance to suicide or something like that. After we'd conversed for about a month via the chat and email, she finally sent me her picture. She was (to me) a stunningly beautiful redhead either in her late 20's or early 30's. If I'd been entranced before, I certainly was now. She told me of her family being involved in construction in the San Antonio area and the rough time they were having. I never learned much more than that. She disappeared again in August of last year, then reappeared at the end of September. About that time, I knew I had to meet this lady, to see if the things creeping into my heart were true. I made a decision at the end of October to go to Texas and told her so around the middle of November. I never got a reply. Somehow, I feel that someone was having a grand laugh at my expense. Sometimes I think it might have been that... other person. The feeling was quite the same... almost identical. Someone that I felt a soul-kinship to. I can hear them chortling now. Horrible laughter ringing in my ears. So, I then swore, just as I do now, that I will never EVER "fall in love" with anyone unless I meet them first. It makes the web that much more of a lonely place, I'll tell you. What sparked this? I'm going through my Yahoo mail and trying to decide whether or not to delete all the emails of hers that I saved. I know that I "don't have to" now that Yahoo has given us such an allowance, but reading these poems... reading the poems I wrote and dedicated to her... well, it hurts. I need to get rid of shrines dedicated to my past and try to look more toward the future - that's what I'm thinking, at least. I still don't seem to get, to recieve what I'm looking for, though. Please don't tell me to be thankful for what I have. It's not enough. That old Rolling Stones song about how you "Can't always get what you want (but if you try sometimes, you get what you need) rings hollow to me. What I am thankful for is the brief time I was able to feel what I felt, knowing that I could still feel it once more. Thank you, Juliet Lauren. But never again "just" on the net. We will have to meet. 12:57 p.m. - 2004-08-23 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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